back to school
The weather shifts slightly, almost as if the Earth understands. The decreased temperatures and slight wind signal a call - back to school. Our two kids started school (virtually) this week at home during a time that feels anything but normal. Both felt excited as well as a bit trepidatious.
When I was a kid, I used to move around a lot. Back to school feelings for me hearken back to the days of starting a new school somewhere with new classmates and teachers. I remember the joy of picking out one pair of new shoes for the year, the process of putting on my backpack, and bouncing out the door with my basketball in hand. Many times, for me, apprehension outweighed excitement. The sudden shift from spending more time at home, with family, and in a known environment to an unknown, new class can make anyone uncomfortable. Similarly, school can be a source of stressors for many kids. Either way, there’s no doubt going back to school is a roller coaster. What is it that makes going back to school such an emotional experience?
In an article from Harvard Medical School’s Health Blog, contributor Julia Martin Burch, wrote about a few reasons why as well as a few strategies to support kids feeling all kinds of feelings during this time. She notes:
The average child’s school day is packed with potential stressors: separating from parents, meeting academic expectations, managing peer groups, and navigating loud, crowded school hallways and cafeteria, to name just a few of many challenges. That’s why it’s typical for children to experience some anticipatory anxiety leading up to the new school year — and for parents to notice a rise in worries.
So how can we support our kids during those rises and falls of emotions?
Approach anxiety instead of avoiding it. It’s natural to want to allow your child to avoid situations that make her anxious, or reassure her that her worries won’t come true. However, this can actually contribute to a vicious cycle that reinforces anxiety in the long term. Instead, acknowledge your child’s emotion and then help her think through small steps she might take to approach, rather than avoid, her worries. For example, you might say, “It sounds like you’re feeling anxious about riding the school bus by yourself. Would you be up for checking out the bus stop with me this afternoon?” Give lots of attention and praise to any “brave” behaviors rather than to her anxiety. “I love how willing you were to take the bus this morning! Great job pushing back on the worry bully!”
Practice school routines. For example, before the start of the year, you and your child might do a school day walk-through of the morning routine: waking up, eating breakfast, packing his school bag, and traveling to school. School tours or meet-and-greet days can be great opportunities to practice navigating the school environment and tolerating any anxiety in a low-stakes situation. After practice runs, debrief with your child on successes and challenges. Support your child in problem-solving around difficult points. For example, if he worries that he will have trouble finding his new classrooms, help him think through who he could ask for assistance if that occurs.
Model behavior you’d like to see. When an anxious child refuses to get onto the school bus or has a tantrum about attending school, it’s natural to feel frustrated, harried, and anxious yourself. However, try to model the calm behavior you would like to see in your child. Take deep breaths from your belly. Remind yourself that your child’s behavior is being driven by anxiety. If necessary, step away from the situation to take a few minutes to breathe and engage in a mindfulness strategy, such as counting all of the objects of a certain color or shape in the room around you.
Once our kids got beyond the initial worries of starting school and they excitedly told us they “have a zoom meeting” to get to in the morning, it feels like there’s some small part of the world that might eventually return to form. Here’s hoping we can handle all the emotions on the pathway there!
-Brad